On March 4th, my husband and I welcomed our beautiful daughter into the world. Because I am totally not above bragging about my kid, here’s a picture of her utter cuteness.
I’m finding that parenting is deeply personal. The way I choose to interact with my child, the values that I emphasize, the behaviors I encourage, the words I use, the type and amount of affection I give, all of those choices come from the core of my being. They are a projected image of my true self. Because I read a great deal and put a lot of stock in education, I will carefully search out articles and books on various aspects of parenting, but that is all just raw data I’ll draw from to make those oh-so-important decisions. The way I choose will still be based on my values and intuition.
Here’s the rub though. Parenting is also done in public. The results of all those deeply personal decisions ends up running around the playground with her very own voice for all to see and evaluate. And because everyone’s parenting is deeply personal, it is just as inevitable that any other parent present would have done something different than I did. If that other parent assumes that the way they interact with their kids is the way to do things, we’re not going to be friends. If I go back and judge them for doing things differently than I do, we get the same result. Which is a shame, really, because if we can both agree to let each other be who we are in how we raise our kids, we can be really helpful to each other.
But it’s hard. In the mom’s group I’m in, we sometimes have to remind each other, which everyone is grateful for. Those women are amazing, and it would be tragic to lose their friendship just because they’re different moms than I am.
Well said! I have had to realize that just because someone parents differently than me does not mean we can’t be friends. It just means we’re different. And as long as I don’t think she has to do it my way and she doesn’t think I have to do it my way, we’re good.
The other thing I always say is “own” your parenting. If you do something differently than I do, fine. But own it and don’t apologize for it. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong unless YOU think you’re doing something wrong. And if you’re not listening to your inner voice, that instinct that you have as a mommy, than you probably are doing something wrong.
How rich is it to have available a diversity of parenting styles from whom we respect? However, competition over what is the “best” parenting style moves the question to the qualification of the giver and not the child. Arrogance at worst, insecurity at best. What’s common and needful in all is love – the love of a mother for her child, given at the highest level Mom is able to give. That constant is the miracle that equates motherhood with sainthood and soothes the opinions of others. You are the one charged with the training of this new and wonderous life. You are the one who decides. Motherhood, like parenting in general, is not a pagent contest or a democracy – it is the love of a parent for the child as close to the model of God’s love for us as we see anywhere.
Amen, Amen, Amen!!! I’ve had to realize this, first hand, as I grow in my parenting. Just because I chose to co-sleep doesn’t mean it’s the best for others. It’s the same with disciplining, food choices, etc.
I’ve truly discovered that my way may be the best for our household, but not the best for someone elses. There are many ways to parent smart, balanced, beautiful children.
Congratulations! She’s Beautiful!!