So I have noticed lately that wives in books, movies, and television shows are often portrayed as a little bit nuts. They’re over-structured, anal, or irrational. I thought this was sexism until I noticed that husbands in the same media are portrayed as inherently stupid, unreasonable, and inadequate. I don’t think it is sexist, I think it’s anti-marriage.
We hear a lot of negative things about marriage. Marriage is boring, marriage is limiting, marriage is doomed to failure. As far as sex goes, it seems that once the vows are taken, women don’t want it, men can’t get it, and no one enjoys it.
Despite these cultural messages, if you decide to remain single into your 30’s and 40’s, it’s assumed that there’s something wrong with you. I’ve heard this complaint from singles both male and female, combined with a wracking self-doubt. I hear this even from some of the greatest people I’ve ever met. People, I would posit, who are a lot more balanced and less damaged than, say, me.
So let’s review. Marriage sucks, but you’re somehow damaged if you don’t get married. What is up with that?