So I’m kind of a downward slope in my life at the moment. Today is looking up because I am conscious, and sitting up. I thought I’d post, because misery loves company and I’m all alone for the second day in a row.
So here are some things that have happened in the last few months. Out of the list of people that I pray for to be healed, four have died. Including one woman that I had a prophetic dream about being healed. I lost my agent and wasn’t told about it. I entered a novel contest, wasted an entire day waiting to hear about the first cut because they didn’t let me know until 4am the day after they were supposed to, and I didn’t make it. I had a less than fabulous trip out to see my family, which opened up more emotional issues than I was really counting on. Realizing that all this was leading me into a looming depression, I decided to start asking people that I know are great prayer warriors to pray for me. Two did, and this led to two very compassionate but numbing experiences. I did find that my tae bo workouts made me feel better, and then promptly came down with a horrible cough the next day.
My husband pointed out to me the other day that I don’t really like it when people try and buck me up after I’ve received some bad news. And it’s weird, but I really don’t. On reflection, I feel this might be a result of being raised in a “put on a happy face” environment, but if something sucks I’d prefer if people just admit that it sucks. I also believe that it is truly mean to be angry with someone who is genuinely trying to make you feel better, so I try to be nice. I will say that when something good happens, everyone credits God with making it happen, and when it falls flat everyone says that God has something better in mind. In a situation like mine, this ends up making God sound somewhat schizophrenic after a while. I do truly appreciate it when my friends and family reassure me that they believe in me and that eventually I will make it as an author. When my friends are struggling with their faith, I tell them that they can lean on the faith of others. I tell them the story of the four friends who brought the paralytic to Jesus, and it was the faith of the friends that inspired Jesus to forgive the paralytic and then heal him. So now, I’m trying to take some of my own advice.
And I know I’m supposed to bring this to some kind of neat and insightful conclusion, but it’s just not that kind of day.
Ok, that sucks. All of it. I won’t pretend it doesn’t. It’s hard to maintain even a remotely positive attitude with all that going on. But, as I read this, all I can think of is Joseph. So, I figured I’d pass that along. Even when things looked like they couldn’t suck anymore, God had a plan for Joseph that was probably the coolest plan ever! (At least, in my biased opinion because it’s my favorite Bible story) I doubt Joseph was positive the whole time or didn’t have doubts and that’s ok. He still chose to trust that even though it seemed like God was taking a siesta, that God was still actually in control and saw him. I don’t know your thought process when you start feeling down and depressed, but anytime I start to feel like that, reading the story of Joseph tends to make me feel a bit better. I dunno….just thought I’d pass it along.