So I’m writing this story about a female casanova, the main point being to question and reverse gender roles. Not gender itself, but the artificial assumptions about the ramifications of gender. And I want to write about how my protagonist is the actor in sexual situations. She initiates, she sets the boundaries of the relationship, she bestows her commitment sparingly as she sees fit, ect. But most of these distinctions are about what happens getting to sex, and the idea I’m playing with is this; should I extend this kind of interaction to the act of sex itself? I like this idea in theory; breaking the myth that because women are entered and men do the entering that the men must necessarily be causing effect on the woman they are having sex with. This is a deeply ingrained concept, which is not entirely without truth. The myth being that it MUST be that way because of the physical act of sex. So I started writing my first actual sex scene, in which the protagonist is effecting sensation in a man. I have run into several problems as I have started this process. Some of them are more practical problems (like the non-literary nature of all the synonyms for ass), but also a pretty major philosophical issue.
I don’t want to write smutty grossness that will only be leered over, fantasized about, or induce disgust. I am not writing this scene or any of the ones that may or may not follow it simply to thrill or stimulate my reader, I’m making a statement about gender roles in the place where they most closely intersect. I have no doubt what my conservative parents (or parents-in-law, for that matter) would think about this particular endeavor. And while I generally have found that that brand of conservatism sacrifices beauty and truth to cleanliness, there is a line that can be crossed there, and I’d rather stay on this side of it.
Thoughts?
Pick up a Harlequin novel, and don’t do what they do?
A little vague perhaps….
I don’t know if it’s possible, but maybe instead of describing the sex itself, describe more of what’s going through his mind (and maybe hers too) about how he thought he would be the one in control or how she’s glad she can control every aspect so he doesn’t screw anything up, something like that.
I figure you’ve have been married long enough that you’re perfectly capable of assuming control in love making and calling all the shots every now and then. Think about how you might describe to someone else how to do that and then write it up using her and she instead of your and you. That way you’re using the bare minimum of language (and working very carefully to choose non-smutty words) but still conveying the essence – much the way you might in telling a friend how to do that.
That’s awesome Kelley.
i was thinking of posting something similar. i know i’m not in control all the time. just as i’m not the dominant force in causing sensation or emotion all the time.
What you’re interested in isn’t the sex, but attitude about the sex. This information can be conveyed at any time after the sex has taken place, assuming you allow your narrative voice insight into the POV character’s thoughts. Possibilities for timing include a conversation between your main character and one of her casual lovers, afterwards, where she can either outright say what she thought about it, or the conversation can provide the occasion for her to be thinking of it. Another possibility is a conversation between her and one of her girlfriends, later, if she’s the kind of woman who talks freely about her sex life.
Great job here. I really enjoyed what you had to say. Keep going because you definitely bring a new voice to this subject. Not many people would say what youve said and still make it interesting. Well, at least Im interested. Cant wait to see more of this from you.